Readings:
Genesis 6:5-8,7:1-5,10
Mark 8:14-21
Reflection:
Dealing with conflict is at the core of both our readings today. Dealing with conflict is not an easy thing; at best, it is uncomfortable, and at worst, it can be soul-destroying.
And sadly, we live in an age where conflict is weaponised. We have a whole industry built around complaints and accusations. Of course, illegal behaviour is illegal behaviour, but so often we see it as a way of career advancement for the complainant and career destruction for the victim.
Without rehashing the Sam Kerr saga, the one question I have is why someone didn’t just raise their hand, call a time-out, sit around a table with a cup of tea and some Tim Tams, and just talk it out. I’m sure with a few apologies, some handshakes, we could have avoided a debacle which took up too much news space, time and hundreds of thousands of pounds in court costs.
Maybe a year ago, I stumbled upon the work of William Ury. He is an internationally recognised negotiator. He participated in the Camp David Summit, peace talks between Isreal and Egypt in 1978. Despite the tinderbox that is the Middle East, parts of that accord are still kept to this day.
He has three principles of negotiation.
Firstly, he calls it “go to the balcony.” In other words, take a break. Look at the big picture. Get some fresh air. “It starts as an inside job. It’s self-mastery”
His third principle is to take into consideration the “third party.” The community, the family, who else is involved?
His second principle, and this is what I would like to emphasise, is “build a golden bridge.” Simply put, it means giving the other party the opportunity to also get what they want.
“Once you’ve influenced yourself, then you can influence the other. And then I thought about going back to getting past, no, building a golden bridge, which is making it as easy as possible for the other side to do what you want them to do by listening, by being creative, by being attracting, by writing their victory speech. All of those things go into building a golden bridge. Actually, you’ve got to be audacious. It’s not just an ordinary bridge; it’s a golden bridge. It’s attractive. It’s persuasive. You’ve thought through what really, really, they want, what their fears are and so on, so you’ve really built them that golden bridge. So, influence yourself to influence the other.”[1]
It’s a phrase that comes from the Art of War. Sun-tzu’s Art of War is a highly influential text from the 5th century B.C. It’s how to win a war. It’s the go to text for politicians, business leaders, and the occasional cleric. One of his principles is “When you surround an army, leave an outlet free. Do not press a desperate foe too hard.”
God built for Noah a Golden Bridge. We all know the story; we’ve heard it a million times. Not just with the Ark, but this was the first time I saw, “Thus you will keep their issue alive over all the earth (v 20).” Yeap, I’m angry, I’m done, I’ve had enough. But I’m giving you hope, I’m giving you a fresh start.
Let’s build a golden bridge and start again.
[1] https://tim.blog/2024/02/15/william-ury-transcript/
Peter Gardiner is a Passionist Priest.